Daring to Discipline - A newly documented journey

Fear has been something of a stronghold in my life, for a LOOONG time. Only recently--in the past couple years, in particular--have I truly begun to recognize it. During this time, God has shown me areas one after another in which I have habitually lived in fear, blinded to my self-appointed slavery that has made a mockery of His costly purchase of my freedom. As God has so very graciously and profoundly opened my eyes to more and more ways in which fear has been my way of life, He has also been faithful to teach me to walk in faith instead of in fear. One of my favorite passages of Scripture now, and one of which I still need frequent reminding, is the first chapter of the book of Joshua, in which God repeatedly commands Israel's new leader to be courageous. Verse 9 seems to say it best:
"Have I not commanded you? 'Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.'"
Knowing this, I am motivated to stop making decisions based on the nagging fears that may continue to present themselves in various forms, and instead to rely on the knowledge that the God who created the universe and has sustained it for thousands upon thousands of years, is right here with me always, and faithfully resides within me constantly, no matter where I go.

Though I'm sure there will be many more weeds of fear for God to pull from my heart and life in order to create more space for the fruit of the Spirit to grow there instead, this next phase of growth is one in which I think some accountability may be helpful. Ergo, inspired by some who have utilized this mode of expression and accountability before me, here is my blog. Mostly for my own benefit, but open and transparent enough that it will be harder for me to allow myself to quit early because I will know that I am not the only one that knows or that might be affected.

Here is the deal...

As I have a voice recital coming up in exactly 8 weeks--October 24--I have MUCHO work to do before then if I am to be prepared to give a performance God would be proud of--i.e. one for which I have put forth my utmost effort to diligently prepare and present my best for His glory. I also do not have a structured schedule this semester other than whatever schedule I create for myself, because I don't have any real classes to attend (unless we count my Monday voice lesson and the Thursday studio class that goes along with lessons). There are a number of elements that can help me prepare, but having an overall structure of good habits and a healthy lifestyle is not something to be overlooked, as is has significant potential to contribute effectively to my ability to present my very best vocally, musically, and expressively.

Specific goals:
1. Get up at 5am each morning Monday thru Friday, & no later than 6 or 7am on Saturdays and Sundays.
This is a HUGE one, because it is the very first decision of the day, deciding whether to start my day out for myself--i.e. getting up 'whenever I FEEL like getting up'--or giving the day to God--getting up at a strategically pre-selected time in order to most effectively, diligently, and joyfully make use of the time God has granted in this new day. This allows time each morning to accomplish certain core things before other pressing matters arise, to fight to conquer procrastination by radically getting ahead from the start.

2. Set aside some time during this early part of the day to seek the face of God.
This has hopefully obvious importance, because this whole endeavor or set of goals WILL end in failure, as so many similar attempts have done, if it is not reliant upon God to give me strength and endurance and ultimately to be the One Who brings me through all the way to the finish line (in this case, October 24, but it applies to the rest of my life afterward as well, until I SEE Him face to face). What happens during this time may consist of a number of things at this point--prayer journaling, Scripture reading, Scripture study, prayer for friends' concerns, listening to Scripture read aloud (via audio recording), singing prayers/praises, etc.--as the main focus right now is to establish a habit of setting this time aside and seeking God at the beginning of the day.

3. Physical exercise--at least 30 minutes/day at least 3-5 days/week.
It should most often be in the morning during that 5-8am window, but if going to the athletic center at school on some afternoons (when I don't have to be at work) ends up replacing or adding to that early morning time of exercise, then that's great also.

4. Eat well--thrice per day.
This is healthy for obvious reasons, and my hurdle often occurs as a lack of planning, resulting in a lack of intentional grocery shopping, resulting in a lack of useful food stuff for cooking and creating lasting meals for a week or two at a time. Fulfilling this goal will involve planning ahead (which implies planning a time for planning) what to cook, keeping/making lists of what to buy, and following through by taking the time to cook or prepare whatever food has been planned and purchased for a given meal.

5. Practice diligently.
Between 9am and 1pm each day, if not longer--allowing for some variation based on eating lunch, my work schedule, day of the week (voice lesson Monday & seminar Thursday), and possibly a minimal number of other factors I am not thinking of right now--I plan to be on campus at Belmont practicing or researching/writing for my recital paper. I need to be strategic about how, how much, and what to practice each day, trying to keep things as consistent as possible from day to day and week to week so as to avoid the need for extra planning.

6. Keep up with household things.
Laundry, dishes, vacuuming, tidying, other cleaning, etc. Let's just say if there's any good habit set of regularly accomplishing these things, that will be an improvement. :-p

7. Keep close track of my money, and use it responsibly.

8. Update this blog.

9. Call friends/family to catch up, see what new things I can pray about, etc. - at least 2 per week.

10. Don't watch TV.


These goals (and there are others I'd love to add but this is plenty right now) may sound a little radical--if they don't, then it's probably because you don't know me very well :). Seriously, I have got to be one of the LEAST disciplined people you could ever know, not that I'm proud to say it but it's the honest truth. However, this makes the goal all the more worthwhile, because, as I see it, I am like the altar soaked with 12 buckets of water, which God sent a fire to utterly consume. I've tried enough times to know that my own determination falls entirely short, and this is impossible for me to actually accomplish. If transformation happens, it's all God, not me! Through His strength, Your encouragement, and my endurance, I hope God will use these goals to grow me during these next 8 weeks and to know Him in deeper ways than I ever have before.

Not only in the obvious ways through creating the habits themselves and reaping the benefits of each one of them, but also by virtue of creating discipline in my life, as I Timothy 4:7 says to "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness." I won't say that my motives are always pure, but holiness and the glory of God are motivations that make victory possible and the fight worthwhile. Ultimately my objective is not to draw people's attention to me because of some 'oh-so-incredible' performance at a recital, nor to impress them through my religious practicing of certain disciplines in my life--that's aiming for a moving target, and people will disappoint. If these were my goals, I would be intimidated and give up, or I would try and disappoint myself. However, my objective in these things is obedience to God in what I believe would honor Him. He is gracious when I fall, and He is pleased when I get up again and keep going. In all these things, I seek not to gratify my own desires, but to work out my salvation through Christ who lives within me. In human terms, and in my own eyes, I am a selfish procrastinator, frequently falling short of the expectations I myself and often others also rightfully have for me, and powerless to change myself or my bad habits of hiding in fear and making decisions based on what I want in the moment. But God has called me His own and now He looks at me as if I had never failed or come up short in any area. God sees me as good, righteous, and perfect, because His Son Jesus took my sin upon Himself and gave me His goodness to wear around me.

Now, God says, "Become the person that I see you as already being. Grow in goodness, come out of the slavery I freed you from, and be holy. Live for Me, not for yourself. There is greater joy and freedom in living solely for Me than you could ever imagine. Test that, and see if it be true. Let me show you Who I AM. Walk by faith instead of fear. Try it. I DARE YOU."

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." -Galatians 2:20